Pulling up at crematoria these days is quite odd – very few cars in the car park, the doors are firmly closed and you can hear the birds singing and the trees rustling in the breeze. Working as a Funeral Celebrant currently is challenging, for a number of reasons. My motivation for entering this vocation (and I call it a vocation, rather than a profession) was my overriding desire to help create beautiful funeral ceremonies and, hopefully, offer just a measure of comfort to grieving families in their darkest days. However, working under the current restrictions means that I spend a lot of time telling families what they can’t have and trying to look at alternative ways to ensure that ceremonies are still heart-felt and not lacking in any way because of the restrictions. Not an easy task.
For example, the restricted numbers allowed in crematoria mean that many people cannot actually attend funerals. I do always maintain it is ‘quality’ over ‘quantity’ that is important, but when close family or friends cannot attend, then it is simply heartbreaking. I provide families with an email copy of all the words that will be spoken at the funeral and suggest that this is forwarded on to anyone who cannot be with us. At the exact time of the funeral, I suggest that those people sit in a peaceful spot, maybe light a candle and raise a toast, and quietly read through the ceremony script. It’s not the same as being in the chapel, but it’s ‘something’.
It is also very sad and frustrating not being able to hug people or put a comforting hand on their shoulder before and after the ceremony. It feels so alien, standing watching someone crying and not being able to console them, other than with words. Tricky times indeed. Last week, as I officiated a funeral for a member of my own family, it was hard to witness everyone sitting in spaced out plastic seating.
I think everyone working in the business of funerals is feeling emotionally drained because people who are drawn into this work do so because they want to make a difference and help people. Let’s hope the pandemic is over sooner rather than later and the normality that we were used to, returns.